my 2 cents

years ago my cousin eloped and then had her marriage annulled a year later.  i was 12 and i remember the family being in an uproar, she was 22 and her husband was canadian.  i didn't understand all the fuss, by 22 i was pregnant and who doesn't like syrup or hockey or bacon?  anyhow, my aunt said something back then that stuck with me, "in order to make a marriage work you have to give it at least 5 years.  anything less is just a joke." 
fast forward to august 2011 when kim kardASSian married kris whocares.  their marriage lasted 72 days.  with 10 million dollars being spent on the wedding and 2 million on the ring it averages out to about $168,000 a DAY.  a day!  i heard a clip of kris (husband not mother) saying something to kim about her having the wedding planned out since she was a little girl and not really caring about WHO the man was.  all that insight and he still married her, but whatever. 
and let us not forget how kim kardASSians became famous, she took it in the ass by a black guy who video taped it.  i know plenty of girls who have done a lot more for a lot less. my point being, how are people like this considered "celebrities" and given front page news and magazine covers?  shouldn't we be talking about the soldiers who are dying in the middle east, orphans who are starving all over the world or gays who aren't even allowed to get married?!
what the fuck is wrong with people?  will kim ever find true, lasting love?  will I ever give a fuck?  do kids today know that there use to be sitcoms that were really funny?  that tv shows had to be clever and witty to make it?  would dallas or seinfeld or golden girls make it in todays programing?     
that being said, if this generation does not accept bevis and butthead and make it a huge success, im giving up and moving to hollywood.  look for my ass in a movie somewhere.

separate baths are in our immediate future

separate baths are in our immediate future
tyler got slapped in the face with bo’s peen. there, that got your attention.
i am fairly certain that the kids will be bathing separately from now on. in the past it was just easy to throw the both of them in together, they are a year apart, girl (hereafter referred to as ‘tyler’) and boy, (‘bo’) and both usually seem jointly dirty around 5pm.
this change was not initiated by tyler's recent nipple exploration, although that story can hold its own!, there is actually another nail in the coffin. a few days ago tyler was sitting and washing her little smelly feet when she screamed, "bo hit my face!" i looked up from my book and saw bo standing above her playing ‘helicopter’. (ladies, if you are not familiar with ‘helicopter’ ask the closest available man, every manboy alive knows it and has tried it in front of the mirror naked whether he will admit to it or not). tyler turned her face as the peen was circling and, long story short, tyler got slapped in the face with her brother's peen.
im not proud as i was sitting literally 2 feet away but it happened and i have made an tentative decision to separate them. big problem, they like to bathe together, and it is easy for me (waaa!). most nights they even play very well together. many a winter rainy day when we don’t play outside have been spent playing in the bath.
but, for their own future couch time, it must be done! besides, tyler is a kindygardener now and quite talkative; could you imagine if she told her teacher and this story got out!?

we have ourselves a rant!

i don't like vampires.  im not sure how they have become so popular lately.  ann rice redeemed herself years ago by casting brad and tom in the movie and then, thankfully, it fizzled out.  then came stephanie meyer and her twilight sagas who have been annoying me since 2008.  further, she lets this century's dylan mckay play a 100 year old man who desperately wants to have sex with a 17 year old girl.  my parents would have called him a perv and been done with it.  instead people name their kids after them and line up to watch the movies.  thats the background.  so starts the rant......
there is this bitch that lives in my neighborhood that has an "i drive like a cullen" sticker across the back window!  first, i don't read the books but i assume she is insinuating to readers that she is cool and drives fast, unless the cullen vampires are old and lame with hidden handicap stickers.  second, the only thing she does is drive carpools and frankly she needs to be schooled on the 'right on red' policy.  third, she drives a 2006 minivan which she possibly bought the day after her first positive home pregnancy test.  fourth, in the heiarchy are vehicles the minivan is at the bottom.  i firmly believe that anyone that drives a minivan has given up and is waiting to be kicked in the taco.  if i ever see her husband driving said minivan i will pull him over and shove a tampon up any available orface.
in conclusion, vampires are lame, even for teenagers, and you don't look any better in your mom jeans because you are holding a copy of 'new moon'.  minivans are for losers and suvs are for winners.  brad pitt is a fine piece of ass.

now where do i go?

im gonna level with you, sometimes i am insecure and sometimes i am just plain lazy.  i have had a few ideas about blog posts but was a little wary about the direction i wanted to go.   i like to bounce ideas off of the husband (hereafter refered to as "mark") and luckily have realized that he might not be the best person.  i have dubbed him 'mark fullen, dasher of hope and killer of dreams'.
here are some recent blog titles that have been vetoed:
thank god shark week is over, I just started my period
mommy has big boobs and daddy has a big belly
mommy is naked
member when I was playing checkers in your belly?
chocolate milk and blow jobs
the military bumper sticker
you’re not that funny, dory
laugh, god dammit!
hunting is for pussies
mark and gym

since he has been fired and i am officially on my own, there will be NO moral compass, let me know what you want to hear.  i am a writer for the people!  blah blah, i am boring myself.....

here goes nothing

so lots of people have requested i do a blog.  lots.  like tens of people.  i am not really commited but i will try to stay as faithful as a college romance.  i like to rant on various topics, i am a therepists' wet dream.  sometimes you will agree with me, somethimes you will laugh.  hopefully i will offend you, if i don't, come back tomorrow.